bob champion
11-08-2002, 06:05 PM
Jacqui Kramer works for Microsoft as an Editor.
Grrl Got Game:
Missed Marketing Opportunities
Well, the holidays are practically here already! Just five shopping months left, and I still haven't bought presents for my nearest and dearest. As I was trolling the mall with the other desperate last-minute shoppers, it occurred to me that this year's holiday should have a theme: an Xbox theme. With my favorite people in the Xbox fold, it's a natural fit. But what to buy?
Naturally I'll be picking up Buffy, Blinx, and about 25 other titles between now and then, but I want to be unpredictable. I want to give them the kind of gifts they can display on their desk or take with them wherever they go. We're talking tie-in products to their favorite Xbox games. We're talking goods and services.
We're talking missed marketing opportunities.
So at absolutely no charge to the Xbox marketing team, here are some ideas for goods and services that I think would be stellar sellers. I know time is tight, but if we hurry, we might be able to squeeze a few of these into stores before the end of the holiday rush. Good luck.
The Morrowind Day Planner
We know how hard it is to keep track of all your tasks in The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind—that's why we developed the Morrowind Day Planner. Complete with date book, task book, and a miniature alarm clock to remind you when it's time to take care of real-world tasks—like bathing, brushing your teeth, and ordering pizza. With the Morrowind Day Planner, you can plan key missions, review maps, and otherwise take care of more important tasks while pretending to pay attention to more mundane things, such as meetings or class. The Morrowind Day Planner: Don't leave Seyda Neen without it.
Tony Hawk First Aid Is For Wimps Kit
Que es mas macho? Tony Hawk knows. That's why he shuns medical attention and lets nature take its course. But sometimes even aging skate stars need a little TLC. That's why we developed the Tony Hawk First Aid Is For Wimps Kit. We've got every antibiotic known to medical science, plus clear bandages that will heal but not conceal. Who knows, Tony might even kiss your boo-boo for you.
Legal disclaimer: The previous paragraph should not be construed to mean that Tony Hawk is able to kiss injuries (heretofore referred to as "boo-boos"), nor should it imply that Mr. Hawk would be willing to should the situation arise. Or that he'd admit to if he did. Tony Hawk not included.
Crazy Taxi 3 Driving School
How many times has this happened to you: You're sitting in traffic, minding your own business, when some idiot decides that he's more important than you. You know what I mean—the old, "If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk" maneuver. Well, why should he be the only selfish, pig-headed idiot risking life and limb to shave a few minutes off the old daily commute?
At the Crazy Taxi 3 Driving School, you'll learn that you do, in fact, own the whole damn road… so why not use it? And don't forget our Level 2 course, "Your taxes pay for the parks, so why not use them, too?" After our intense, two-day course, you'll graduate with an increased sense of entitlement and a license to ill. After all, it's your world… we just drive in it.
My First JSRF Graffiti Kit
Young artists everywhere were inspired to see the magic those wacky Jet Set Radio Future kids were able to do on the walls of public buildings in Tokyo. Plus they did it backwards—and on skates. So imagine the disappointment, nay, the horror! these poor children must have felt when they realized they couldn't spray paint a straight line on skates, much less tag a 120-foot skyscraper. Well fear not, kiddies, because "My First JSRF Graffiti Kit" is here to teach you the basics. You'll learn how to create your very own stylin' signature tag, name check your homies, and improve the side of any building using cheap supplies from your local hardware retailer. Art is a beautiful thing. Now you, too, can create it.
Legal disclaimer: I know you're gonna dig this: Although graffiti is art, don't be stupid enough to think we're endorsing it here. We are not. It's. A. Joke. Failure to take this seriously will result in a 'Clockwork Orange' situation in which your eyes are forced open and you have to stare at the damn Sega disclaimer for hours on end. If you don't understand the reference, go rent the movie. It's pretty good. A little dated, but hey, it's a classic. Unless of course you're not old enough to rent the movie, in which case, don't. Because we don't want you breaking any laws or anything.
Oh yeah, Spray Paint Not Included. Because like I said, it's a joke.
NFL Fever 2003 Peyton Manning Autographed Football
The NFL Fever 2003 Peyton Manning Autographed Football. You know, the thing you throw? When you play sports. When you go outside with your friends. No, not your Morrowind friends or JSRF homies. Real friends. People. The kind that can leave the television set.
Seriously, doesn't this one make sense? And if you want to give me credit for thinking of it, because I'm sure no one else has, feel free to have Peyton sign one and deliver it to me personally. I mean, in the spirit of good will and all.
Please? Guys? Hello?
Halo Life-Sized Doll Collection
Ready to snuggle up to a life-sized member of the Halo cast? Well now you can have a close encounter of your own with all your franchise favorites, including Captain Keyes, Master Chief, and now, this adorable plushie Covenant Grunt! He's soft as a kitten and stuffed with love. Squeeze his little tummy and hear him wail your favorite phrases, including "He's here!" "Down in front!" and the immortal "NOOooooo…." You'll sleep tight knowing this comfy little Covenant fella is safe in your arms—and unarmed.
What, you were expecting a life-sized Cortana doll? You'll have to ask for that yourself. Now a life-sized Master Chief… Well, that is a missed marketing opportunity, if you ask me.
Jeez, do I have to think of everything?
:D :D :D :D
Grrl Got Game:
Missed Marketing Opportunities
Well, the holidays are practically here already! Just five shopping months left, and I still haven't bought presents for my nearest and dearest. As I was trolling the mall with the other desperate last-minute shoppers, it occurred to me that this year's holiday should have a theme: an Xbox theme. With my favorite people in the Xbox fold, it's a natural fit. But what to buy?
Naturally I'll be picking up Buffy, Blinx, and about 25 other titles between now and then, but I want to be unpredictable. I want to give them the kind of gifts they can display on their desk or take with them wherever they go. We're talking tie-in products to their favorite Xbox games. We're talking goods and services.
We're talking missed marketing opportunities.
So at absolutely no charge to the Xbox marketing team, here are some ideas for goods and services that I think would be stellar sellers. I know time is tight, but if we hurry, we might be able to squeeze a few of these into stores before the end of the holiday rush. Good luck.
The Morrowind Day Planner
We know how hard it is to keep track of all your tasks in The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind—that's why we developed the Morrowind Day Planner. Complete with date book, task book, and a miniature alarm clock to remind you when it's time to take care of real-world tasks—like bathing, brushing your teeth, and ordering pizza. With the Morrowind Day Planner, you can plan key missions, review maps, and otherwise take care of more important tasks while pretending to pay attention to more mundane things, such as meetings or class. The Morrowind Day Planner: Don't leave Seyda Neen without it.
Tony Hawk First Aid Is For Wimps Kit
Que es mas macho? Tony Hawk knows. That's why he shuns medical attention and lets nature take its course. But sometimes even aging skate stars need a little TLC. That's why we developed the Tony Hawk First Aid Is For Wimps Kit. We've got every antibiotic known to medical science, plus clear bandages that will heal but not conceal. Who knows, Tony might even kiss your boo-boo for you.
Legal disclaimer: The previous paragraph should not be construed to mean that Tony Hawk is able to kiss injuries (heretofore referred to as "boo-boos"), nor should it imply that Mr. Hawk would be willing to should the situation arise. Or that he'd admit to if he did. Tony Hawk not included.
Crazy Taxi 3 Driving School
How many times has this happened to you: You're sitting in traffic, minding your own business, when some idiot decides that he's more important than you. You know what I mean—the old, "If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk" maneuver. Well, why should he be the only selfish, pig-headed idiot risking life and limb to shave a few minutes off the old daily commute?
At the Crazy Taxi 3 Driving School, you'll learn that you do, in fact, own the whole damn road… so why not use it? And don't forget our Level 2 course, "Your taxes pay for the parks, so why not use them, too?" After our intense, two-day course, you'll graduate with an increased sense of entitlement and a license to ill. After all, it's your world… we just drive in it.
My First JSRF Graffiti Kit
Young artists everywhere were inspired to see the magic those wacky Jet Set Radio Future kids were able to do on the walls of public buildings in Tokyo. Plus they did it backwards—and on skates. So imagine the disappointment, nay, the horror! these poor children must have felt when they realized they couldn't spray paint a straight line on skates, much less tag a 120-foot skyscraper. Well fear not, kiddies, because "My First JSRF Graffiti Kit" is here to teach you the basics. You'll learn how to create your very own stylin' signature tag, name check your homies, and improve the side of any building using cheap supplies from your local hardware retailer. Art is a beautiful thing. Now you, too, can create it.
Legal disclaimer: I know you're gonna dig this: Although graffiti is art, don't be stupid enough to think we're endorsing it here. We are not. It's. A. Joke. Failure to take this seriously will result in a 'Clockwork Orange' situation in which your eyes are forced open and you have to stare at the damn Sega disclaimer for hours on end. If you don't understand the reference, go rent the movie. It's pretty good. A little dated, but hey, it's a classic. Unless of course you're not old enough to rent the movie, in which case, don't. Because we don't want you breaking any laws or anything.
Oh yeah, Spray Paint Not Included. Because like I said, it's a joke.
NFL Fever 2003 Peyton Manning Autographed Football
The NFL Fever 2003 Peyton Manning Autographed Football. You know, the thing you throw? When you play sports. When you go outside with your friends. No, not your Morrowind friends or JSRF homies. Real friends. People. The kind that can leave the television set.
Seriously, doesn't this one make sense? And if you want to give me credit for thinking of it, because I'm sure no one else has, feel free to have Peyton sign one and deliver it to me personally. I mean, in the spirit of good will and all.
Please? Guys? Hello?
Halo Life-Sized Doll Collection
Ready to snuggle up to a life-sized member of the Halo cast? Well now you can have a close encounter of your own with all your franchise favorites, including Captain Keyes, Master Chief, and now, this adorable plushie Covenant Grunt! He's soft as a kitten and stuffed with love. Squeeze his little tummy and hear him wail your favorite phrases, including "He's here!" "Down in front!" and the immortal "NOOooooo…." You'll sleep tight knowing this comfy little Covenant fella is safe in your arms—and unarmed.
What, you were expecting a life-sized Cortana doll? You'll have to ask for that yourself. Now a life-sized Master Chief… Well, that is a missed marketing opportunity, if you ask me.
Jeez, do I have to think of everything?
:D :D :D :D