Another_One
21-11-2004, 12:01 PM
Hello members
i hope u like the jokes i present today and if u know some jokes tell us about them
be4 i forget i wanna u tell me ur opinion and fav. joke
here we go
============================
Tow New Ears
A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good surgeon in Sweden and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, "Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You swine, you gave me a woman's ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"
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How To Confuse A Blonde!
Q: How Do You Confuse A Blonde?
A: Put Her In A Round Room And Tell Her To Find
The Corner!
Q: How Does A Blonde Confuse The World?
A: She Actually Finds The Corner!
Q: How Do You Re-Confuse A Blonde?
A: Tell Her She Found The Wrong Corner!
============================
Blondie's Pink Curtains!
Blondie enters a store that sell curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains.
He showed her several patterns, but the blond seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains she needed.
The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains!"
Blondie says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
============================
The Perfect Shot!
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up,
looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. It was driving his partner nuts!
Finally, his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"
============================
Call Your Child's School!
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your child's school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1.
To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2.
To complain about what we do - Press 3.
To cuss out staff members - Press 4.
To ask why you did not get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to youPress5 If you want us to raise your child - Press 6.
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7.
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8.
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9.
To complain about school lunches - Press 0.
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior,
class work and homework, and that it is not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort, please hang up and have a nice day!"
============================
One Speedy Ambulance!
Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.
"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged one, "we've cut our emergency response time by ten percent."
"Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we cut our average time by 20 percent."
"That's nothing said the third paramedic. "Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"
============================
Tell me ur fav. joke
i hope u like the jokes i present today and if u know some jokes tell us about them
be4 i forget i wanna u tell me ur opinion and fav. joke
here we go
============================
Tow New Ears
A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good surgeon in Sweden and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, "Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You swine, you gave me a woman's ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"
============================
How To Confuse A Blonde!
Q: How Do You Confuse A Blonde?
A: Put Her In A Round Room And Tell Her To Find
The Corner!
Q: How Does A Blonde Confuse The World?
A: She Actually Finds The Corner!
Q: How Do You Re-Confuse A Blonde?
A: Tell Her She Found The Wrong Corner!
============================
Blondie's Pink Curtains!
Blondie enters a store that sell curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains.
He showed her several patterns, but the blond seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains she needed.
The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains!"
Blondie says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
============================
The Perfect Shot!
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up,
looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. It was driving his partner nuts!
Finally, his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"
============================
Call Your Child's School!
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your child's school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1.
To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2.
To complain about what we do - Press 3.
To cuss out staff members - Press 4.
To ask why you did not get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to youPress5 If you want us to raise your child - Press 6.
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7.
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8.
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9.
To complain about school lunches - Press 0.
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior,
class work and homework, and that it is not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort, please hang up and have a nice day!"
============================
One Speedy Ambulance!
Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.
"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged one, "we've cut our emergency response time by ten percent."
"Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we cut our average time by 20 percent."
"That's nothing said the third paramedic. "Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"
============================
Tell me ur fav. joke