المساعد الشخصي الرقمي

مشاهدة النسخة كاملة : :: He Knew ::



Kubaj
07-12-2004, 12:00 AM
hello, this is my first writing in english












He Knew












In the middle of the cold trembling night, he called





he said : hello brother, how`re you








I felt strange.. it`s not his habit to call in a late time like that








just to say hi, or , to ask how do I feel








I said, i`m fine brother, I hope you`re fine too








he stayed silent for a while then said, remember when we used








to play in front of our neighbor`s house, we used to kick the ball








at his car and that made him really mad.. remember








everytime something happens to his car








he comes to our father and complains about us








trying to convince him that we did it








ahh..., those days were the best








We lauged a little, then I told him : but why are you telling me








that story now brother ?








He sighed .., then he said that he was just bored








and hung up .








after three days, he told me to come over to his house








we stayed till midnight talking about old stories








then I asked him again, why talk about the old stories now








he changed the topic by telling me that








" ahh.., this weather is wonderful, you know what?








when my wife gives birth you`ll never see me again"








he said that while he was laughing, I knew that he meant








he`ll go out hunting with his friends.








then I asked him to bring me some water, and when he was








passing the doorstep he stumbled and looked at me with








a warm smile on his face ..








he came back with the water .. and sat there silently








I told him " what`s wrong brother " ?








he said.. my days are numbered..brother








Please take care of my kids








I thought he was kidding at first, but I saw that serious look in his eyes








I froze for a minute.. I didn`t know what to say








then I finally came back to my senses and told him this








" why would you say something like that








what is wrong with you I don`t see that you`re sick or something








then he pleaded :








" just do me this favour don`t leave my kids and their mother alone"








I was lost in my emotions, I almost cried asking him








what have gotten into him to say that, and he didn`t say a word








I left the room, he escorted me to my car ..and then while I was








in my car, I saw him..passing the doorstep, stumbling again








and looking back at me with the same warm smile he closed the door.






I went to sleep, and in the morning the phone rang ..






I answered feeling uneasy without knowing why..






" it`s your brother he is in the hospital, he is in a serious condition"






I`ve never heard my father`s voice so troubled like that before






I rushed to the hospital, ........ and when I arrived






I was .. late






in the cemetery we buried him and fragments of our hearts too






I looked at his face for the last time in my life






and there he was in his coffen, smiling .

Sander
07-12-2004, 12:19 AM
oh.. that's very touching man.. So sad

Almost drop tears >> I'm a sensitive guy I guess :08:

^^ pretty nice pal! I liked it so much..
Thanx for posting it & keep it up

Blueness
07-12-2004, 08:07 AM
in the cemetery we buried him and fragments of our hearts too

A moving story … gracefully written … and amazingly portrayed
I liked how you gave us the right amount of description …
I was mentally visualizing the nameless characters…their facial expressions …
I got the chills reading it…

I envy you …. You are an expressive and fluent writer both in English & Arabic …



A word of thanks and a plea to continue http://www.montada.com/images/icons/icon7.gif…

maha ali
07-12-2004, 09:42 AM
this is very nice

Kubaj
07-12-2004, 11:57 AM
Sander


thank you for your kind words bro


I appreciate your comment







Blueness




I am truley overwhelmed by your lovely comment


and you mustn`t be envious of someone who couldn`t


reply in a proper manner that suits your style in writing









Maha ali




It`s always my pleasure, thank you for your reply

bosson
07-12-2004, 01:36 PM
OMG>> am so sad >> this story made me cry :17:



thanks brother ;)

Unknown
07-12-2004, 08:22 PM
nice writting man

you got the talent for sure

::::

very good story I realy enjoy reading this one

waiting for your next writing ...

Kubaj
08-12-2004, 02:02 AM
bosson




you`re one in a million, bro you`re always welcome :tongue2:







Unknown




I`m glad you enjoyed reading it


hope to see you again in my next writings

-=SuperMAn=-
08-12-2004, 02:20 AM
THANX MAN I LIKE IThttp://montada.com/images/smilies/new_icons/biggthumpup.gif

bosson
08-12-2004, 07:50 AM
bosson





you`re one in a million, bro you`re always welcome :tongue2:




really .. u know me ;)



thankxxx

NsaN
08-12-2004, 05:37 PM
Loved The Whole Atmosphere..
It's So Like You To Make Us -The Readers- Live Every Single Letter In Each Thread U Post..
Quite A Talent If I May Say So..

But, There's Just One Thing That Kinda Bothered Me..
It Was The Overuse Of The Word "Brother"..

Well, I Do Understand That You May Have Wanted To Indicate To The Very Close Relation Between The Two Brothers
But I Think You Somehow Over Did It. For Instanse,


I told him " what`s wrong brother " ?
he said.. my days are numbered..brother

The Repetition Of The Word Brother Here Is A Bit Unnecessary, Coz I Dont Think It Adds Anything To The Line..

All In All, Ur Words R Remarkable, And You Know That..
I Am No Writer, Thus, I Hope I Havent Crossed My Lines By The Comments Above, For I Could Be At Fault.

Now If U May Excuse Me, I Need To Go And Enjoy My SNICKERS Bar..

Kubaj
09-12-2004, 02:42 AM
NsaN



It`s more than ok man don`t bother



it`s everyone`s right to criticize, I never felt uneasy about constructive



Criticism I really appreciate your remarks



and yes you were right about the " brother " excessive use



and there is another mistake I made



in the cemetery



it should`ve been at the cemetery, correct me if am wrong



but I think at the cemetery would`ve been more accurate

Kubaj
11-12-2004, 01:05 AM
hey lucy, thanx for stopping by

Dr.Lucifer
11-12-2004, 10:34 AM
:biggthump ...You continue to impress
...It’s a great story and the wording is very nice
Keep up the good work

faros
12-12-2004, 02:56 AM
Hi brother,

it is really such a good story that makes anyone interested in it.

However, I have some points :


he`ll go out hunting with his friends

you should've written :

he would go out to hunt with his friends

because the sentence is in the past, therefore, you should,ve written would not will

and you should've also used (to) insted of (gerund) because it is purpose.

Why did he go out with his friends? to hunt not huntind

Do you follow? I hope so:)

Sincerly,

your brother Faros

أبوجمـــال
20-12-2004, 03:26 PM
Thanx Brother...

And I am so sorry becouse I don not see this topi...

forgive me please...

and I will stick this topic...

becouse it must stick from the first time...

Abu_Jamal

Y a z e e d
21-12-2004, 06:01 PM
Shrouded with a smile ...
what a charming end :)

Marvelous as what we used from an admirable writter as you

while reading the piece

I feel the demonstrated catastrophe that's approching
and living with the smell of the old memories


Thx kubaj :)

Kubaj
22-12-2004, 12:31 AM
Lucifer, thanx alot man i`m glad you liked it

faros, thanx for the first point I made a killing mistake, in the second point I don`t get the difference

between the gerund or the infinitive it`s the same if you wanna say

that he would go out bowling with his friends

I thank you greatly for your notes brother it`ll help me for sure in the future



ابو جمال

don`t worry brother, your reply is quite enough for me :)

Yazeed


I treasure your presence, in my humble post .. for you always hit on the weak spots

Another_One
26-12-2004, 08:22 AM
ooooohh

:31: I Swear u presented the really sad story

Hope u present more and keep going

Thank u brother and kind regards

( CyBeR * ReX )
11-01-2005, 04:51 PM
hi man.. you are really goooood writer

i like the sad kind of writing .. keep up the good work

but.. iknow its not the good time and place to say this

but i want something from you or from bosson



" i want the "one in a million

i like this song very much and i cant find it on the net ..and i think you

have it cause you reply to bosson about it

so.. can you give it to me??????? thank you .

R.D.
11-01-2005, 07:36 PM
for a moment i said in my self " is this a real story " ????



http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/w/thumbs.gif great job dude keep it up

Pinkoo
12-01-2005, 07:26 AM
wow i like it thanks duuuuuuude>>>>>>:09:

rou rou star
27-01-2005, 02:49 AM
Wow wow wow!!!!:bigeyes:
Very interesting and sad storry:D
if you continue like this you will be a famous writer:09:
please continue your story :08: or i will put the curse on you, i am kidding:biggthump :biggthump

see you later:icon6:
and please write another story
when i was sitting there , i made a huge river while i was reading your sad story:17:
Chaow, and thanks for the Story:)

Kubaj
29-01-2005, 12:27 AM
thank you all, for indulging me with your beautiful remarks

BMA
30-01-2005, 04:15 PM
Claps to you

Ancient Guards

http://montada.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif



wonderful job on the way you handle

" The Tread on the reader atmosphere"

http://montada.com/images/smilies/new_icons/bigeyes.gif



but was wondering..

Was that tread on someone's toes?

..Just thought so

thanks

http://montada.com/images/smilies/icon6.gif

Kubaj
13-02-2005, 01:42 AM
BMA

thanx for the reply