Please evaluate my first poem

[bAd_D]

Never saw it coming

expect the unexpected" they say"

lord, why didnt i expect this day

was i too busy in discribing her beautifull way

well i guess i was blinded by the sun rays

it kept me from seeing

her back-stabbing soul

her decieving goal

and i guess its time to pay

-------------------------------------------

Funny when I reminisce, i thought I’d never tell you this


You were more than just a girl


But now you made me realize, how deceived I was with your eyes


Which were shining like a pearl


Hope you never have to try, how it is to live a lie, cuz amazingly... after all you did to me, I still care

[الملك]

Hey Nice Peom

Well The Rythem is Not Bad and The Words are Great

Keep Up the Good Work.............and If You Have More Let Us See Your Work

[The Dark Heart]

Hey ,

ملك the post is so old .. !

please dont do that AGAIN ..

Good Poem ..^^

^_^

[الملك]

Hey you new boy....are you going to tell me what's new and old.........

well I didn't sign in for a while so I so it late...plus it's not ur business.....if it's old or new.........aight

[The Dark Heart]

Hey ,

Please Make sure u talk in a good and safe laungage

It is ..!! i want to make the forum new and shiny and you come and ruin it ..!!

No way. if you want to do this i will tell the boss or a moderator at you ,

Understood ..?!! And dont do it again ...

and now get out of my sight

[Sander]

Sweet ^^
Nice poem.. :33: You should start writing more

* Okay I don't know what you guys are arguing about but let's not fight here okay

It's none of my business but I just felt like saying this..
>_<

[الملك]

Hey you are you going to tell me the rules here....don't even think about.....

listen I'm here in the montada for 4 years and I used to be a moderator so I know how to make it shiny.. :p

am not gonna wast my time and reptation in nonsense thing like this... I have seen much like you in this montada..............May god Help you!!!!! :33:

[The Dark Heart]

This is your first warning !





Edited By:
The Administration Of The Literature Forums

[Blueness]

Hello ^^


:08: Impressive poem :bigeyes: ….so simple …so real … I liked it
The rhyme scheme was nicely done …
Strong choice of words …
Simply …well expressed …


Great stuff bro’http://www.montada.com/images/icons/icon14.gif …Keep on writing …

[bAd_D]

الملك, sander, firewolf

thank u alot for the post, firewolf and king plz stop fighting over nothing, and lets keep this place great as it is, PEACFULL

and blueness, u always impress me with ur discribing way, thank u alot and plz keep tracking my work cuz i appreciate ur opinion

sander u too are a great objective critisizer hope to see u later in my coming poems
peace

[Y a z e e d]

Great poem for the begining :)

hope you a great futre ..
as Sander said .. you should begin to write/read more ...

and also I have a tiny advice for you :
( concentrate on the meaning always ! ..
Don't let the assonance overrule your poem and oblitrate the Idea ) ..


Thank you :)