طالعوا أخطائي بسسسسس

[إمارات المحبة]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

كيف أحوالكم إخواني الأعضاء أبيكم وجزاكم الله خير
تشوفون لي هالنص وتطلعون الأخطاء في الجمل اللي محطية تحتها خط فقط

يعني أنا كاتبة بحث وشاكة في بعض الجمل في صحتها من حيث النحو وما إلى ذلك

فأبي منكم تساعدوني وتطلعون أخطائي وتصلحونها

وشكرا لكم

[NaughtY AngeL]

هلا والله فيكي أختي.. كيفك؟ ان شاء الله تكوني بخير.. اللي تحتها خط تقصدي اللي زي ك]ا ولا اللي تحتها خط أخضر من الوورد نفسه؟ لأنه تقريبا البحث كله تحته خط لووول.. و صراحه طويل و حاليا ما عندي وقت أقراه كله فياريت لو تحطي مثلا خط أحمر تحت الجمل اللي تبغينا نتأكدلك من صحتها

:ciao: Ciao for now

[إمارات المحبة]

أنا حذفت أشياء منه


وبدبن يا أختي هي بس جمل وما رح من وقتج وايد

ولكن على العموم أشكرج

[إمارات المحبة]

[QUOTE=إمارات المحبة]أنا حذفت أشياء منه وألحين ممكن تشوفونها لي بليز أنا مستعجلة


وبعدين يا أختي هي بس جمل وما رح تاخذ من وقتج وايد

ولكن على العموم أشكرج

ما طنشتي;) ;)

[Men_Tikreit]

سلام الله عليكم.

لي بعض الملاحضات على الطرح وايضا تصحيح بعض الاخطاء.


and what type of translation the translator used it?



You don’t need the "it" at the end. Just end with Used Full stop





Are the ideas same as in the target text?

Missing "the" after ideas.
so it should be "are the ideas THE same as in the targeted text




After comparing between the target text (Arabic text) and the translated text (English text).





You added the "ed" with translated but not with target, please amend again



So it should be

"After comparing between the targeted text"





1- The introduction of the story didn’t translate as we see in the translated text

Don’t say didn't. Change it with did not.



And do the same for any short in the whole essay, so every didn't or doesn't should be changed to did not or does not



Also should use "saw" instead of see








So the translated text didn’t tell us anything about the background of the family or characters of the story and there position.

not there, it should be their




It just tell us about the place and some information about the two brothers and we notice some mistakes in the translated text in the introduction some of them are:




we "can" notice

or

we noticed

[Men_Tikreit]

A-

يُحكى أنّه كان في بلاد فارس أخوان شقيقان

The translator translated as THERE once lived in a town in Persia two brothers…and this change the meaning because the target text doesn't tell us that they were in the town or city it just say Persia.



لم تتضمن الترجمة "يحكى انه" انما يقول "كان هناك"

So the translation should include at start "it is said to be" or something of a kind to show that the story is not necessary TRUE but it is more of a tale.





1) Change should be changes



2) Target as we said before targeted



3) They were in the town should be "they were living in a town





B-

يُدعى الأكبر قاسمًا والثّاني علي بابا

They translated as: one named Cassim.. it doesn’t tell us that he was the bigger. Also they can translate ( ) as called instead named.

لم افهم القصد من (....)

عندما يقول الاكبر فهل يقصد حجما ام عمرا?

اذا كان حجما then change it to the Larger and not the bigger
اما اذا كان عمرا ف The older



C-

كان والدهما تاجرًا من أغنياء التُّجار…………..

It doesn't translated at all and that give us the idea that Gassim was rich because of his wife. Because the translated text say that:

Cassim had married a rich wife, but Ali Baba was poor.



Does not Translate

الجملة تحتاج تصحيح

The text above was not included in the translation.
it is an important part that shows their background. it expalins that their father was a succesful businessman.



D-

استولى قاسم على هذه الثّروة الكبيرة، وأصبح تاجرًا غنيًا، وترك أخاه علي بابا في فُقرٍ شديدٍ، بل كثيرًا ما كان يعامله معاملةً قاسيةً، لا رحمةً فيها ولا شفقةً.

It doesn't included in the English text and that doesn't help the readers understand the case clearly.

1) you can change it to either

It is not included

or

It does not include

2) Reader and not Readers




E-

وزاد في فقر علي بابا أنّه كان يعيل أسرةً كبيرةً مؤلّفةً من زوجةٍ وستة أولادٍ

It doesn’t translate into English and it doesn’t tell us more about the character (Ali Baba).





افضل اعادة النضر في هذه الجملة.

It is not translated



F-

The subtitles didn’t translate into English.

"علي بابا في الكهف"

"افتح يا سمسم"







The rest of the story there are many mistakes in translation, therefore it change the meaning or the idea of the text .

there was

changes

[Men_Tikreit]

1-

وكعادته كلّ صباحٍ

Translated as (One day). This mean that he didn’t used to do this action every morning.



This translation suggest the character done this action “one day" while the real text suggest that this is a habit that the character is used to do everyday




2-

فإذا به يسمع ضجّةً شديدةً آتيةً من بعيدٍ. ثمّ أخذت الأصوات تقترب وتعلو......





It doesn’t translated into English but the translator said dirsct that Ali Baba saw a troop of horsemen. That means that there are some changes of the ideas in the target text.







Maybe you mean direct? I don’t know but it is a mistake



As for the text



"The translation said that Ali baba "saw" the horsemen, while the real text said he heard their noise, big difference here that have effect on the story.




3-

، انطلق علي بابا يومًا ومعه حماره الهزيل ليحتطب في الغابة...



The translator deleted this sentence and he just said that he was in the forest cutting wood. And doest show us that the donkey with him or not but later he mention it when Ali Baba collected the money.





1) The translater deleted this sentence, he just said...etc

or
The translator deleted this sentence and said ...etc

2) typing erorr missing the N

3) he mention "the donky" when Ali Baba...etc

4) The donkey "was" with him



7-

زلزلت الأرض وانشقت الصّخرة وثار غبارٌ في الجوّ…………]

The translator didn’t translate this sentences which describe the action of the opening of the rock.








Not the opening, the rock doesn’t open, it brakes or split



So it should be



"The action where the ground shakes and the rock SPLIT"




8-

كهفٌ كبيرٌ، له باب واسع

The translator didn’t mention this sentence that describe the place.






the cave





بعد أن ربطوا خيولهم بجذوع الأشجار المجاورة

We don’t see it in the translated text that it make us more confused what about their horse.




We did not see in the translated text the above, which confuses the reader to what has happened to the horses





10-
نزل علي بابا من أعلى الشّجرة والدّهشة تكاد تعقد لسانه. وقف أمام الصّخرة يتأمّلها. "هل من الممكن أن تتحرّك هذه الصّخرة الهائلة فور النّطق بهذه الجملة؟



The translator doesn't translate this sentence which is show us that Ali Baba was think about the door.






which shows us



or



which shows that





is thinking about the huge rock (no mention of a door) e

الكاتب لم يقل باب بل صخرة

[Men_Tikreit]

12-

فَرَكَ علي بابا عينيه ليوقظ نفسه من الحلم الجميل، ولكنّه تأكد أنه لا يحلم.....

The translator doesn’t translate this part and that doesn’t help the readers to be feel with the character of the story. Also doesn’t tell him about the emotion part in the story.

1) Reader and not readers

2) To feel the character

3) who do you mean by "him" the readers? in anyway it is wrong
change it to

"it doesnot tell the reader about the emotions in the story"

or
" it does not explain the emotions in the story"














14-

In the target text there were no conversations between Ali Baba and his wife but as we see the translator added it in the English text to make a favor in the story .



Maybe you mean "to ADD FLAVOUR to the story




15-

she ran to Cassim's wife to borrow one

we notice that in the Arabic text the husband Ali Baba went to the Gassem's wife not the wife.

no need for "the" just say Ali baba went to Cassems wife

also its Cassem with a C not a G




16-

there are many differences in the details of the story as we see in the English text.

From what we "read" in the english text







20-


فأخذ يُنادي: "افتح يا شعير، افتح يا حمّص، افتح يا قمح"

It wasn’t translated and this sentence I feel will add the comedy to the story also tell us how Gassem was confused?


will add some comedy and not THE comedy

again Cassem with a C not a G
من قاسم صار جاسم (0_0)




21-

وأخذت نفسه تحدّثه بسوء العاقبة بعدما أوصله الطّمع إلى هذا المصير المُؤلم..
the translator didn’t translate this part even it is very important to show us that Gassem regretted and tell us more about his emotion in that time.
even "though" it is very ...etc


had regret better than regretted




22-

ما كاد اللّصوص يرون قاسمًا وبغاله داخل كهفهم حتّى ثار فيهم الغضب.....................

In this part the translator changed many details about the story and change the idea of the story especially in this part of the story.

1) of the story

2) changed


3) especially this part (no need for the in






23-

الكهف ليكون عبرةً لغيره مِمَّن تُحدّثه نفسه باقتحام مخبئهم.

The translator didn’t translate this sentence even it was important to tell us why they did that?




even "though" it was




24-

When night fell, and Cassim had not returned

We didn’t see the equivalent sentence in the target text that mean it didn’t tell us the time.

means

[إمارات المحبة]

أهلا أخي العزيز ألف شكر ومليون على مساعدتك اللي عمري ما رح أنساها

والله يسهل لك أمورك شرات ما سهلت أموري

والله يساعدك ويحقق لك مرادك من الدنيا والأخرة يا ااااااااااارب

اختك

إمارات المحبة

والسموحة على التعب والإزعاج

[إمارات المحبة]

no need for the rest

thanks alot

[Men_Tikreit]

أهلا أخي العزيز ألف شكر ومليون على مساعدتك اللي عمري ما رح أنساها

والله يسهل لك أمورك شرات ما سهلت أموري

والله يساعدك ويحقق لك مرادك من الدنيا والأخرة يا ااااااااااارب

اختك

إمارات المحبة

والسموحة على التعب والإزعاج

انت ادللي بس اختي وان شاء الله انكون قمنا بالواجب, والعذر ماكدرت اكمل الا اني كنت اكتب من موقع عملي.

سلام الله عليكم