Please evaluate my first poem

Never saw it coming

expect the unexpected" they say"

lord, why didnt i expect this day

was i too busy in discribing her beautifull way

well i guess i was blinded by the sun rays

it kept me from seeing

her back-stabbing soul

her decieving goal

and i guess its time to pay

-------------------------------------------

Funny when I reminisce, i thought I’d never tell you this

You were more than just a girl

But now you made me realize, how deceived I was with your eyes

Which were shining like a pearl

Hope you never have to try, how it is to live a lie, cuz amazingly... after all you did to me, I still care

Hey Nice Peom

Well The Rythem is Not Bad and The Words are Great

Keep Up the Good Work.............and If You Have More Let Us See Your Work

Hey ,

ملك the post is so old .. !

please dont do that AGAIN ..

Good Poem ..^^

^_^

Hey you new boy....are you going to tell me what's new and old.........

well I didn't sign in for a while so I so it late...plus it's not ur business.....if it's old or new.........aight

Hey ,

Please Make sure u talk in a good and safe laungage

It is ..!! i want to make the forum new and shiny and you come and ruin it ..!!

No way. if you want to do this i will tell the boss or a moderator at you ,

Understood ..?!! And dont do it again ...

and now get out of my sight

Sweet ^^
Nice poem.. :33: You should start writing more

* Okay I don't know what you guys are arguing about but let's not fight here okay

It's none of my business but I just felt like saying this..
>_<

Hey you are you going to tell me the rules here....don't even think about.....

listen I'm here in the montada for 4 years and I used to be a moderator so I know how to make it shiny.. :p

am not gonna wast my time and reptation in nonsense thing like this... I have seen much like you in this montada..............May god Help you!!!!! :33:

This is your first warning !





Edited By:
The Administration Of The Literature Forums

Hello ^^


:08: Impressive poem :bigeyes: ….so simple …so real … I liked it
The rhyme scheme was nicely done …
Strong choice of words …
Simply …well expressed …


Great stuff bro’http://www.montada.com/images/icons/icon14.gif …Keep on writing …

الملك, sander, firewolf

thank u alot for the post, firewolf and king plz stop fighting over nothing, and lets keep this place great as it is, PEACFULL

and blueness, u always impress me with ur discribing way, thank u alot and plz keep tracking my work cuz i appreciate ur opinion

sander u too are a great objective critisizer hope to see u later in my coming poems
peace

Great poem for the begining :)

hope you a great futre ..
as Sander said .. you should begin to write/read more ...

and also I have a tiny advice for you :
( concentrate on the meaning always ! ..
Don't let the assonance overrule your poem and oblitrate the Idea ) ..


Thank you :)