( صباحك سُكر ) - ترجمتي

السلام عليكم و الرحمه.

I wanted to share my own translation of Nizar Qabbani's
صباحكِ سُكر


http://www.myup4world.com/images/store22/d5ee8ba31f.jpg


I'm a huge fan of him, I'm also a translation student
so, while reading it, I thought I'd translate it

so, here it is
:


- Arabic -

صباحكِ سُكر

إذا مر يوم ولم أتذكر
به أن أقول: صباحك سكر

ورحت أخط كطفل صغير
كلاماً غريباً على وجه دفتر

فلا تضجري من ذهولي و صمتي
ولا تحسبي أن شيئا تغير

فحين أنا لا أقول :أحبك
فمعناه أني أحبك أكثر

إذا جئتني ذات يوم بثوب
كعشب البحيرات أخضرأخضر

وشعرك ملقى على كتفيك
كبحركأبعاد ليل مبعثر

ورحت أعب دخاني بعمق
وأرشف حبر دواتي وأسكر

فلا تنعتيني بموت الشعور
ولا تحسبي أن قلبي تحجر

إذا ما جلست طويلا أمامي
كمملكة من عبير ومرمر

وأغمضت عن طيباتك عيني
وأهملت شكوى القميص المعطر

فلا تحسبيني أنني لا أراك
فبعض المواضيع بالذهن يبصر

ففي الظل يغدو لعطرك صوت
وتصبح أبعاد عينيك أكبر

أحبك فوق المحبة لكن
دعيني أراك كما أتصور


- English -

Have the sweetest Morning

if a day passed by
and I haven't remember
to wish you
a morning as sweet as sugar

and I began scraching like a child
a meaningless words over the surface of of a note book

don't get boared by my amazment and silence
and don't think anything has changed

when I don't say I love you
it means that I love even more

if you showed up one day in a dress
so green like
the grass of lakes
and your hair thrown over your sholders
like the sea, like the splattered dimention of night

and as I started deeply inhailing my smoke
sipping the ink of my bottels, ..getting drunk
don't judge me, calling me cold
and don't think my heart has became a stone

and through i llusion, I grow your hair
wheat, almond, and forests of thyme

if you sat infront of me long enough
like a queen made of scents and alabaster
and you closed my eyes off you
neglected the grouch of the perfumed shirt

do not believe that I do not see you
because, somethings are seen better through the mind
In the shadows, your perfume has it's own voice
and the dimentions of your eyes has became widder

I love you more than love, itself.. but
let me see you as I've always imagened





Comments are more than welcome
Foxy Rabbit
:)

A M A Z I N G ! !
almost perfect..
still, like any translated script..
it lacks the essence and the soul of the original

one comment though..
where you said:

and don't think my heart has became a stone

don't you think it would have been better if you said:

and don't think my heart has turned into stone

I know your translation is more "loyal" to the original script..
but I think "turned into" is just more..dunno exactly but it just feels better (&)

Great work, bro/sis..
will be more than happy to see more of your works.

اقتباس:

---

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة dream catcher

A M A Z I N G ! !

almost perfect..
still, like any translated script..
it lacks the essence and the soul of the original

one comment though..
where you said:

and don't think my heart has became a stone

don't you think it would have been better if you said:

and don't think my heart has turned into stone

I know your translation is more "loyal" to the original script..
but I think "turned into" is just more..dunno exactly but it just feels better (&)

Great work, bro/sis..
will be more than happy to see more of your works.

---

!mucha gracias!

and I will have to agree with you on that line,
it sound better than mine

I'll also try to post more translations
really appreciate your comments
thanx

;)and it's your sis

Beside some grammatic mistakes, Your work is quite impressive
So keep it up

اقتباس:

---

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة MustafaMM

Beside some grammatic mistakes, Your work is quite impressive


So keep it up

---

thank you Mustafa, really appreciate your comment
:)

thANks for sharing

you every day pressing me dear foxy
but i have a question for you - why you called yourself foxy rabbit ?.r

thank you anasserge,

as for the user name, umm ...just a combination I liked
it sounds good, ...well at least for me

no specific reason, I just like the way it sound

ciao !