The Things He Lost
The worst had happened...he did not die. His eyes flew open and with all the sadness, desperation and guilt in his heart he cried: Sara !He felt guilty as sin, his crime ? he lived on when they died. He weeped and weeped. His long gone legs were insisting they were there, screaming they were still capable. darkness took him. dreams of times long past and people long dead tortured him.
Many days passed by and little by little, his mental scars began to fade and his wounded heart felt no more...he was a living corpse, much against his own wishes, as he often prayed for his own demise. His days and nights, he thought, were nothing but different versions of his first day in this place with slight variations as he -in time-would become to accept his new life little by little. He would sleep, dream, wake up, weep for a few minutes, curse his own luck and loneliness before fading back to darkness again. At first, it terrified him. How utterly alone he was, he never cared much for socializing or having friends, he was content with his simple life with his family...He had never, in all his time, expected to be so fundamentally hurt, so broken, that living itself had become a chore, a burden he must carry and it all had been so unexpected. fading again into darkness he cursed his weakness, his loneliness and his broken heart. he wept and he prayed for this to be the one he would never snap back from. He dreamt of times long past and people long dead once more.
There was a pack of flowers this time. He closed his eyes and reopened them, as if to make sure he was not seeing things that were not there...The flowers were there still. A spark of hope lit up the darkness that was his soul and for the first time since the day he woke up in this place, he smiled. It surprised him, how guilty he felt for smiling, happiness or even the thought of it seemed like something he was not entitled to, not after all that happened. But he knew better, he knew that he needed this, more than anything, he needed to know that he was not alone and that someone was missing him out there, weeping for him. He needed to believe that. And the thought of that filled him with joy, with satisfaction. He pressed the button and the nurse rushed in.
- " Hang in there Mr. Ethan, Sherry is coming for you " she said. " Who brought this ? " he asked, smiling. The nurse startled, she did not know he could talk. He haven't said a word since they brought him in and now he's smiling ? " Her name was Anna " she said stuttering. "How old was she ?" Ethan asked. " About 20, 21" she explained. " Pretty ?" Ethan asked. "Quite attractive, yes " sherry said wondering where was all of this going. "Did she say anything, anything at all ?"
-" No, sorry. " -" Thank you sherry, that would be all."
Sherry left him but he did not see her, he had no eyes for her. He was imagining Anna, he did not recognize the name and he could not remember ever knowing an attractive 20 something old girl called Anna but he meant to thank her and love her just the same. Darkness claimed his consciousness once more. This time he did not dream of times long past and people long dead, he dreamt of that pack of flowers and nothing more.
When Ethan woke up there was a girl in his room, an attractive young lady. He could tell even with her back facing him that she was Anna, and she was as beautiful as he had imagined her. She was holding his pack of flowers, she seemed like she was checking on something. He did not know what she was doing and he did not care. Her presence filled him with a joy he thought he had lost forever, and for that he shall forever love her. He had no intention of interrupting her when she suddenly started walking out as quiet as she could as if she was avoiding to wake him. Ethan thought this to be a good time to let her know he was awake.
- " Good morning, Anna " he said. She shrieked and dropped the flowers." sorry, did not mean to startle you " Ethan apologized. She did not seem to hear him, her whole body was shaking and she was saying things he could not hear. He tried a bit harder and heard her. She was crying, that much was obvious, the few words he made out of what he heard did not make much sense to him " god no, please no...am sorry". He did not understand, who was she talking to ? She abruptly knelt down and picked the flowers, she wiped her tears and then faced him. she tried to speak but words refused to come out, she could not say anything. For a moment they both just kept looking at each other. then, Anna said in a choked voice " I am sorry Mr.Ethan, for your loss and for putting you through this ". Then she handed him a card and she walked out, with his flowers. Ethan did not understand, did not want to understand. He looked at the card and His name was on it:
" To: Ethen H. with love
please get better
your daughter"
He did not understand, Sara was dead....DEAD ! and dead people do not send cards. he read it again and again and again and again. and it suddenly hit him, it hit him hard. He could not believe he did not see it. Breathing suddenly became too hard and darkness claimed him for one last time, he knew this was it. his heart skipped a few beats and her name graced the withering lips one last time: Sara, The daughter he could not save. He did not shed a single tear, his eyes were all dried up. and then it was all dark. This time, he dreamt of a grave with a tombstone with the name Ethen H. on it.
