RPG clichés
أوكي أنا نسيت من فين جبتها.. بس بعضها مرة يضحك....:
>>RPG clichés ::
1) Although alegedly you must save the last fragments of Bobmium from the nefarious Ackhak-ukj El Foofoo III quickly, so that its great powers are not used to desecrate the world, like 1,000 years ago in the War of the Badger, you can go to a nearby town, sleep the night, get some items, build up your characters a few levels, and then arrive at the evil Foofoo's lair - Dragon Mole - just in time to save the world?
2) WHERE THE HELL ARE THOSE DAMN VILLAGERS GOING? What exactly is the attraction of going randomly in one of four directions 'till the end of time?
3) Why is everyone white? Bloody scary, this: except from Illusion of Gaea's Natives' village and FFVII's Barret and the inhabitants of Wutai, I have seen no black, Asian, or O riental people in any RPG ever. SOM2 even had a tropical village with tanned white people in! I'd stop worrying about the evil empire, try and sort out the Fascists in the softco's first!
4) This is the basic plot of FAR too many Squaresoft games: There's an evil empire. You are part of a resistance movement(AVALANCHE, The Resistance, the Returners...). The empire becomes redundant, but a member of the empire(Thanatos, Sephiroth, Kefka...) doesn't, and has a crack at world domination. Looks like the Fascists are doing the scripts, too...
5) Why is the hero's weapon is always magical? Is there an RPG Mystical Weapon Society that distributes these weapons fairly liberally around holy lands and such-a-like? And how do they profit? Do Mana swords come with warranties? Which ones are designer brands?
6) Just who is it that fills all those treasure chests, and why? Maybe they're also the guy who resets traps and monsters as soon as you leave the room...
7) How come even in the remotest pit of Xialsheep there is always a CD player or something to play the BGM? Don't villagers protest at having the same type of tune playing in the background all the time? I know I would as the town themes are always pretty cack.
8) How come buildings are half of the size outside than inside? Don't any of the villagers stop randomly walking nowhere to check out the Tardis-style proportions?
9) How come you're 5 times the size on the world map as any of the cities? If Cloud tripped over and into Midgar, he'd knock a good few plates down on to a few sectors.
10) The Fascists seem to also have been ex-architects: after having some 'grape juice' in a local tavern, surely you'd get lost going home: the same builders build identical houses for each town.
11) Why do games that have Ulimate or Final in the title spawn doG only knows how many sequels? eg.: Final Fantasy, Ultima etc.
12) There are always some magical whatevers to collect to save the world: think Mana seeds, Mana stones, Mystic Statues, pendants, Triforce pieces, magical crystals...
13) Why is your hometown always destroyed at the beginning?
14) How come everyone has so odd names? Imagine the school register of Thanatos' class: "Bob?" "yes, miss." "John?" "Yeah." "Sara?" "Yes." "Thanatos? Is Thanatos in today? Oh, there he is, trying to possess Dyluck! How sweet!" And how come some of them have meanings? Isn't it a bit of a coincidence that Thanatos, named after the Roman God of death, just so happens to grow up to possess and kill people?
15) Why do all the enemies have money? Where do the wolves carry their dough? What do the use it for? Popping down to the off-licence for that piss-up all the monsters in the Veldt are going to?
16) There's always an inventor called Cid. Why?
17) Why will the mighty kingdom of Glu Sniphur will put all their faith in a level 1 teenager who needs to attack repeatedly to off a lowly Rabite?
18) How come the very first enemy you fight is 5 times the size of you, and 5 times less hard?
19) In absolutely every single RPG I have ever played, rumours are ALWAYS true.
20) Why do all villages let you into their houses? Surely word would've travelled ahead of you that you steal any armour etc you find in their houses.
21) Why will villagers always talk to you?
22) Why does 'levelling up' increase your energy? Surely getting bitten, scratched, poisoned, hacked at etc would make you come out of the area worse for wear?
23) Why are you always part of a rebellion? why aren't you the GOOD empire or an alliance of a few GOOD countries fighting of an uprising of evil peasents and a corrupted general or something?
24) Why are there only 10-15 towns and 5 castles or so in the ENTIRE WORLD!?!? and as for the villagers... there's only like 50 of them in a town and sometimes more in a castle so altogether there's maybe a thousand people in the world, as opposed to the hundreds of millions there were in the middle ages...
25) Why do villagers tell you the exact same thing over and over again? Do they have a script in their hands or something?
26) In other games, sure, the evil empire trying to take over the world usually has technology on their side, and why does the holy sword of light that will be wielded by the true savior of goodness to smite the evil empire have to be a sword? Why not a sanctified shotgun? What about a holy nuke?
27) Why do the first people you meet always assume your doing the right thing and instantly join you?
"Oh hi Bob, what's that, you wan to go and kill that dude three cities away because you think he's remotely related to the guy who killed your ancestors and you think this guy's gonna kill you? Yeah, sure, how about 6:00 pm tommorow night? OK sure, I'll call all my mates, see you there."
28) How come you can get hit by meteors, get stumped by dinosaurs, get burned to ashes, and then come back in one piece with a simple Life spell? But, after battle (usually in a cutscene), someone just stabs you with a sword: you don't even bleed, and you can't be revived in any way, not even with Life 2 or 3?
29) How come people don't go to the toilet, eat food, go to sleep, take a shower and go to school or work? And when they sleep at inns or so, how come they don't change their clothes? Are their clothes stitched on or something?
30) Why does the Ultimate Holy Tempered Sword of the Ancient Mages of Rk'aahn look identical to the bronze sword that you picked up for 100 gold pieces in the first village?
31) Why do you show no damage? I would expect that being bitten, slashed, hit with numerous sharp impliments, clawed, clubbed and shot would give you some visible wounds. And how do the curative items available in all towns stem the bleeding?
32) Why does chocolate heal you, rather than rot your teeth?
33) Why don't weaker enemies run away after seeing stronger monsters decimated at your hands? Surely Leafers would catch on eventually to NOT attack the party of mages, warriors and theives that previously tore apart numerous Behemoths.
34) Why doesn't the evil villain crush you with his/her/its strongest monster/mech/goldfish right at the beginning, when you're on level 1?
آسفة لو طلع من اليمين للشمال.. مو راضي يعمل العكس..:غضب:
