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مشاهدة النسخة كاملة : The Rhyme



Edge Rossman
30-05-2008, 11:14 PM
Hi every one,

I have a little talent in writing poetry, so i wanted to share some of my poems with you so that i can gain more experience by hearing out your opinions
i hope you like it

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The Rhyme

Every day, every night
Find my way to the light
Not too shiny, not too bright
But in the end, sit right

Listen to me, i'll start to rhyme
Don't stop me, it's not a crime
Express yourself, say what's inside
Confess every thing, don't try to hide

If i thought now, i'd like to say
I have a big dept, no one can pay
To stay in school, don't be a fool
Just study, 'cause buddy
It's the ultimate rule !

They say, it's really soon
But they, sleep the after noon
I stay, up late, just to hate my school, and i state
I've realized it too late !

like every one, i took the bait
i wont argue, it's my fate !

so again , let's start the rhyme
don't leave, not yet, it's not the time...

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i hope that this poem is good enough, so thank you very much for reading

Agent Ryan
31-05-2008, 12:34 AM
Not a bad start, it sounds nice but it needs some adjustment.
You are missing a rhythm here.
Maybe reading more poems will help improving your skills, try doing that.

girl2008
14-06-2008, 07:22 PM
I have a little talent in writing poetry



Your wrong you have alot of talent
thanks for sharing the rhyme with us
god bless you.

cool lady
19-08-2008, 04:28 PM
it's nice as agent ryan said :"it's not bad start"
MAY GODNESS BLESS U

Bullet witch
20-08-2008, 05:58 AM
.
.
I think that is very good Rhyme:)
Although we are not experts in this area:أفكر:
Thank you to our participation this poem
You are really creative:biggthump