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    الموضوع: The Life I killed

    1. #1
      التسجيل
      10-02-2001
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      The Life I killed

      Hello.. everyone I hope you`re doing fine.. it`s been a while since I posted a

      thread here

      well, here you go .. I started writing this two months ago and I just finished editing it.. I hope you like it



      In his cold unsympathetic cage, he kept waiting.. shuddering, wondering.. where did it all go wrong?..

      He started talking to the bars.. telling it his story:

      " Have you ever wondered.. how does it feel to carry that thing we call a heart..?

      Of course, you don`t know how it feels, you`re made of steel, how could you ever understand.."

      He raised his head, looking towards the moon through the barred hole and continued:

      " .. It`s not easy.. to carry such a thing, at first it fills you with joy, happiness, and a sweet deep warmth..

      even if you you`re still a young bud, fighting your way in the midst of a howling storm..

      you`ll grow very fond of it.. I remember that feeling.. I truly do.."


      Then, he released a sigh, while gazing at the sad moon.. and resumed with a cold tone..

      " But they took that warmth.. after that, life became so pale.. the joy, the happiness I once knew..

      have withered away for ever.. now... I know how you feel.. so cold.. and speechless

      ..the moon that we all admired for so long, comparing our blossoming virgins to its beauty..

      is suffering the same pain.. deep within its beautiful face.. knowing that those legendary rays of beauty

      are nothing but a mere reflections from the sun.

      I know.. how it tastes..

      that bitter taste.. of being used."

      He paused for a moment.. and smiled while resuming..

      " .. but my story has an ending.. in a few hours.. I`ll taste that sweet deliverance, while you`re sitting

      here.. yearning for an end to this eternal pain.

      After that monologue.. the night became very old, and a new day was born..

      after the holy prayer.. he was urged forward by the executioner into the open ground

      where everyone gathered, waiting for the event. after reaching " the spot "..

      the executioner ordered him to kneel. When his knees touched the ground,

      his body started to shiver, and his heart was beating so fast, clinging desperately to this life..

      everyone was staring at him sweating and shaking.. he felt like he was going through a thin haze..

      many pictures were blown into the air.. he rememberd everything.


      " Now son, can you say.. rabbit?.. "

      " .. ra .. ra .. bit .. rabit .. "

      " .. My dear child, today you`re going to school and you`ll play there with little boys like you .. "

      "..mama..I don`t like school.."

      "..aww.. don`t worry my little angel.. when you get used to school you`ll love it.."

      "..mama can I play with my friends at the garden..? "

      his mom looked at his father with a big smile on her face.. and said :

      "..sure..as long as you keep away from the street.."

      he went joyfully with his friends, while his mother and father were standing there

      thinking.. that their little boy is having the time of his life.

      after they finished playing... everyone went back to his home..

      " .. Hey there little kid .. you want some candy ? "

      " .. can .. candy .. ? "

      " .. Sure.. come inside i`ll offer you some.. because you`re a good boy .. "

      Innocently.. he went inside.. never knowing that there was no candy..

      The boy was thrown in front of his parents` house..

      " .. If you tell anyone about this.. you`ll never see your mother again.. "

      He kept this as a dark secret of his..

      a secret that ruined his view of life.

      and one day..

      he met the perfect friend.. they were very attached to each other..

      it was a beautiful chapter, which ended in a very tragic way..



      " .. I swear.. I shall kill you for this.. "


      They found him crying near the corpse..

      they asked him.. why did you kill him .. ?

      and this was his only answer : " he betrayed me " .

      but they never knew, what happened..


      He kept the reason for himself.. always.. echoing.. through his mind..

      "..the thing that destroyed my life, did not destroy his.., but worse than that .. "

      " .. he enjoyed it .. "

      a warm tear.. escaped.. and the executioner was given the sign ..

      " .. Don`t forget the Shahadah my son.. "

      "I testify that there is no god but Allah and I testify that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah."

      The blade rose , reflecting the sun original rays of light..

      giving him the pleasant emancipation he was seeking .

    2. #2
      التسجيل
      22-01-2005
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      in my father's heart
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      coooooooooool


      really I like it

      t n x King


    3. #3
      التسجيل
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      You`re more than welcome " Barbi " and thanx for the post

    4. #4
      التسجيل
      30-04-2004
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      Re: The Life I killed

      Hello Mr. Kubaj … how’s life..

      I’ve read your masterpiece 5 times so far …
      it was like watching a mini movie ..

      First I had to give the main character of your story a face …
      so Sean Penn was the obvious choice.. for 2 reasons...
      one because it’s your current avatar …and two because
      I’ve always admired his outstanding performance in Dead Man Walking
      which sprung to mind when I read the first few lines..

      Anyways ….lets get to the critique..


      I applaud you for your bold choice...
      you’ve superbly presented a “socially” taboo topic..
      In a subtle, yet effective manner …

      What I’ve noticed about your writing style is that it always
      takes the reader on an emotionally wrenching journey ….
      a few tears were shed …but it was totally worth it..


      I was fascinated by his little “chat” with the with the prison bars
      and the moon … with his own voice echoing back to him..
      Even though everything seemed so bleak and depressing...
      it was portrayed with profound beauty …

      They say your life flashes before your eyes in the moments
      near death…this concept was well-employed in the story,
      there were just about enough flashbacks to reveal clues to solve the mystery...
      But I wished there were more glimpses of his past …

      Impressed once again…

      Thank you K.K

      I apologize for the long reply

    5. #5
      التسجيل
      10-01-2002
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      hello everyone
      king>>>>>>>>thanks for the subjects
      it's really nice and i was going to stop reading it in the middle for having so many things to do
      but i couldn't leave it before finishing it

      really thanks and allah ya3tik el3afieh

      اختكم
      ولدتك أمك يا ابن آدم باكيا
      والناس حولك يضحكون سرورا

      فاحرص على يوم تكون إذا بكوا
      في يوم موتك ضاحكا مسرورا


    6. #6
      التسجيل
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      Hey Ms.Blueness

      I don`t know what should I say about how life is

      because as Robert francis said

      Life the hound

      Equivocal

      Comes at a bound

      Either to rend me

      Or to befriend me.

      I cannot tell

      The hound's intent

      Till he has sprung

      At my bare hand

      With teeth or tongue.

      Meanwhile I stand

      And wait the event.


      So .. I guess i`m just waiting for the upcoming event

      and hey.. don`t apologize for you`re fairly enjoyable reply

      Thanks for passing by, now have a nice day


      Hi, for islam

      you`re welcome sis, and thanks for you`re nice reply

      may Allah bless your soul

    7. #7
      التسجيل
      07-12-2000
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      in the white forest... come and find me
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      nice story man
      great word choice
      ...there is nothing really to criticize you for
      I liked the flow of the story it’s really smooth you moved from a thought to another without any problem
      the flashbacks are cool; the images you presented are beautiful it’s like watching a movie.. hey .. you’d make a good director
      the only thing that I can think of to improve the story is to make it a little bit more detailed because it’s kind of ambiguous about the reason why he killed his friend
      Keep it up man

    8. #8
      التسجيل
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      Lucifer, man.. why isn`t your reply showing on the page

      you cunning devil

      thanx 7abibi for the lovely reply

    9. #9
      التسجيل
      08-02-2005
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      Em...I got a heavy heart when I finished reading .

      Life is a struggle
      life just likes shelling the onion,
      there is awalys a slice cause ur tears.

      ThQ for this wonderful story which make people think deeply
      about the life.


      الحياة مملوءة بالصدفات...
      قد يتقاطع خطان متوازيان يوما ما......

    10. #10
      التسجيل
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      You're welcome Baheya.. glad u read it

    11. #11
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      ahm ahm

      this a great work

      thanx king_kubaj

    12. #12
      التسجيل
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      You're welcome brother.. I'm honoured to have you here

    13. #13
      التسجيل
      04-01-2005
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      ما شاء الله




      He raised his head, looking towards the moon through the barred hole



      What I can say...??!


      I think ...I can see that scene
      it's close of my eyes now

      " Now son, can you say.. rabbit?.. "

      " .. ra .. ra .. bit .. rabit .. "

      " .. My dear child, today you`re going to school and you`ll play there with little boys like you .. "

      "..mama..I don`t like school.."



      I like this

      touching piece it's









      Really it's good & deep story

      I like it and like U'r style...

      U carry us too far by this great style & smart choice 2 words...........

      I think U make a good point to move our feelings & our thoughts

      Slowly to what U wanna say

      Really Thanx to U

      For this enjoyable story




      The blade rose , reflecting the sun original rays of light..

      giving him the pleasant emancipation he was seeking .


      I can imagine that....... :أفكر:
      god bless U
      SalamOoOoOo

    14. #14
      التسجيل
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      Everytime I try to reply to you chipsa the page collapses without a proper reason

      error report


      anyway..

      thank you for your generous words

      and sorry for my short reply.. I don't have enough time right now

      later

    15. #15
      التسجيل
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      مشاركة: The Life I killed

      [QUOTE=king_kubaj]
      Everytime I try to reply to you chipsa the page collapses without a proper reason
      error report


      that prOblem happen 2 all

      may b the reason N my signature

      anyway..



      thank you for your generous words

      and sorry for my short reply.. I don't have enough time right now

      later



      not prOb my brOther

      & gOd bless U
      SalamOoOo^^


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