Yo
Here's some top 10 lists i've liked, i've gathered them from here and there :
TOP 10 SIGNS THE CHIEF DOESN'T LIKE YOU...
1) He refers to you as "our mascot".
2) Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol.
3) Your locker is also the broom closet.
4) The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."
5) He sends you on drug raids - alone.
6) He always tells you that only wussies call for back-up.
7) He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them.
8) You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner.
9) He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia.
10) He doesn't like to be seen with you in public.
TOP 10 SIGNS THE GUY MUGGING YOU HAS NEVER MUGGED BEFORE...
1. After taking your money, he asks if you want a receipt.
2. In addition to wearing a ski mask, he's got skis and poles.
3. Asks you to hold his gun while he puts on some Chap Stick.
4. When he's done, he says, "That was fun! Now you mug me!"
5. You're a police officer in full uniform standing right in front of the station house surrounded by fellow officers with assault rifles.
6. When you yell, "Stop, thief," he does.
7. During police line-up, he waves to you and shouts, "Remember me?"
8. Tells you he wouldn't be doing this if Love Boat hadn't been canceled.
9. He keeps saying, "You understand I'm doing this for the baby and Marla."
10. He Accepts IOUs.
Let's go higher in numbers eh?
TOP 15 THINGS TO SAY IF CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK...
1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
4. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
5. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
6. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
7. "Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
9. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
10. "The coffee machine is broken...."
11. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
12. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
13. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
14. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
15. And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: "Amen".
And that's that ^_~
I'll try to keep this thread updated as far as i humanly can.
Winter--
YO