advice from famous people
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
- - -Saki [H. H. Munro]
Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent.
- - -Kevin Bacon, 1996
Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let’s not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources.
- - -Ronald Reagan (10 Sept. 1980)
Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it’s looks, most women know otherwise.
- - -Kathleen Turner (1986)
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
- - -Wilson Mizner
Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home.
- - -Phyllis Diller
Blind faith in your leaders, or in anything, will get you killed.
- - -Bruce Springsteen
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
- - -George Burns
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
- - -Dorothy Parker
Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.
- - -Will Rogers
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
- - -George Burns
Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.
- - -George Burns
Drugs have nothing to do with the creation of music. In fact, drugs are dumb and self-indulgent. Kind of like sucking your thumb.
- - -Courtney Love
Have no fear of perfection- you'll never reach it.
- - -Salvador Dali
He who slings mud generally loses ground.
- - -Adlai Stevenson
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
- - -Steve Landesberg
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- - -Phyllis Diller
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
- - -Jon Winokur
I always advise people never to give advice.
- - -P. G. Wodehouse
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
- - -Bill Maher
I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
- - -Adela Rogers St. John
If a pit bull romances your leg, fake an orgasm.
- - -Hut Landon
If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
- - -G. K. Chesterton
If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly . . . very slowly.
- - -Gypsy Rose Lee
If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.
- - -Johnnie L. Cochran, Jr.
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
- - -Linda Furney
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- - -Dan Quayle
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- - -Harry S Truman
If you can't be kind, at least be vague.
- - -Judith Manners
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
- - -George Carlin
If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
- - -Bobby Slayton
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
- - -Rush
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
- - -Bobcat Goldthwait
If you have to be in a soap opera try not to get the worst role.
- - -Boy George
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
- - -Katherine Hepburn
If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says : "I'm cheap!"
- - -Delta Burke
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.
- - -Norm Crosby
If you're there before it's over, you're on time.
- - -James Walker
Impropriety is the soul of wit.
- - -W. Somerset Maugham
It ain't over till it's over.
- - -Yogi Berra
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- - -William Clinton
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
- - -George Bernard Shaw
It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.
- - -Shirley MacLaine
Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you.
- - -Mae West
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.
- - -Groucho Marx
Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once.
- - -Eva Gabor
No problem is so large it cannot be run away from.
- - -Charles M. Schultz (Peanuts)
Nothing goes out of fashion sooner than a long dress with a very low neck.
- - -Coco Chanel
Often you just have to rely on your intuition.
- - -Bill Gates, Microsoft
Oh, grow up!
- - -Joan Rivers
Old age is no place for sissies.
- - -Bette Davis
Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.
- - -Miss Piggy
Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!
- - -Tommy Smothers
Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger.
- - -Abbie Hoffman
Since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them.
- - -Coco Chanel
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- - -W. C. Fields
Stay humble. Always answer the phone, no matter who else is in the car.
- - -Jack Lemmon
Success is a great deodorant.
- - -Elizabeth Taylor
The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
- - -Roseanne Arnold
The future will be better tomorrow.
- - -Dan Quayle
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- - -Lucille Ball
The worst crime is faking it.
- - -Kurt Cobain
There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.
- - -Elton John
Time wounds all heels.
- - -Jane Ace
To keep your character intact you cannot stoop to filthy acts. It makes it easier to stoop the next time.
- - -Katherine Hepburn
What the hell--you might be right, you might be wrong...but don't just avoid.
- - -Katherine Hepburn
When your conscience says law is immoral, don't follow it.
- - -Jack Kevorkian
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans.
- - -Ronald Reagan
You've got to take the bitter with the sour.
- - -Samuel Goldwyn
What you shouldn't do . . .
Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing.
- - -Buddy Hackett
Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected, then get even.
- - -James Carville
Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
- - -Janis Joplin
Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity.
- - -Nick Diamos
Never believe in mirrors or newspapers.
- - -Tom Stoppard
Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow.
- - -William Brighty Rands
Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon.
- - -Jilly Cooper
Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store.
- - -Miss Piggy
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